My Mind Is Swimming Today

My mind is swimming today. My body feels like a pin cushion/punching bag. I awoke very, very early. Pain throbbing in my feet woke me. And then my left eye, which no longer has eye lashes (they don't cover that part in the look good feel better program - was thinking about fake eyelashes - NOT) had a tickle in it. It was weird. It itched and disappeared at regular intervals - it had a tempo. So did my pain, which continued throbbing around my body, and I lay there, in the dark and listened to the snow plow moving snow downtown. It was a quiet night outside, so noise really traveled. Many times I hear the train make its way through town, and for some reason, I like that. It reminds me of the sound of dreams and hopes as it speeds along the track to the next time, the next place, the next hope. The snow plow, well, didn't really satisfy me much, but the back-up beep took my mind off the tempo of the pain having its way with me. I considered a sleeping pill and then reconsidered. I considered getting up for a pain killer and then reconsidered. I must keep something close at hand, along with my Snoopy water bottle, so that I don't have to come downstairs and potentially wake Honey, secure in her kennel.

Our walk was okay this morning. I was in a daze - I think I fell back to sleep around 5 or so and then heard her whimpering at 6:17. It takes a good 5 minutes to get dressed for the outdoors, but it is worth every second of that time. The sidewalk snow plow was obviously also busy, because neat rows of snow are piled up at the sides of our sidewalks and it made for a nice walk for Honey and I, although she almost had to stand on her head to find a place to pee. She looks hilarious. I am careful not to laugh out loud, so chuckle inside. When all was done, the "home" command was given and I think she was happy to trot back to her breakfast and ensuing fights with Boobadee. Boobadee is losing it. She even started playing with Honey's pink tennis ball last night. We found that on a walk pre-Christmas and pre-snow. I actually didn't notice until last night that the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation has its name etched on the ball. Wow. Wonder what kind of an impact that is making. How much of that sale is going to administration costs - how much is going to metastatic breast cancer research. I would be really, really, really interested in knowing that. Okay - I think you get my drift.

I am trying hard to find things that make me laugh. One of the shows that I have found is He Said She Said, a cooking show on Viva. I watch the episode that is on at 2:30 p.m. We have basic cable and Viva can be found on channel 56. I almost fell on the floor laughing yesterday. One of the hosts is so cruel to the other. It is hilarious. It's a television show.

My mind continues to swim. I am going to meditate to try and find some peace. I hope you find some peace today. Be happy and love yourself. Those who love themselves are deeply blessed. Self-love, I am learning, is the foundation for everything else.

Emma Lee