INDIANAPOLIS HERE I COME!

Just heard from the Metastatic Breast Cancer organization that my application for funding was approved. I'll be attending the conference in Indianapolis on October 15 and 16. It's been a very good day!

Peace,

Emma Lee

Half Way Mark - Have Fun Mac Crew!

It's officially here - the half way mark for this first round of Abraxane. Turns out Megan will be able to come with me for the treatment. Hopefully we will have some lunch following. Gabrielle has given me some more coping strategies for the after-effects. Meredith has come and gone with my bloodwork to the lab for review. I'm pretty sure all is well. If I don't hear anything, off to the Aberdeen at 10:30 a.m.

Lee is coming home for the weekend tonight, as is Jim. Mary is trying to get some time too. I will be going to the beach for the next week. A friend has kindly offered their digs at the Merb. Can you imagine? The kindness of others is filling my heart. The weather forecast is quite favourable. I am anticipating a very healing week. I am anticipating beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I have to get my camera fixed.

I'll post before I head to the ocean.

Have a wonderful day everyone. To the Mac Mac & Mac crew - when you are cruising over the most challenging rapid, imagine me - that is my life right now!

Peace and Love to you all,

Emma Lee

The Night Before the Day Before The Next Treatment

I always have a hard time sleeping as my body and mind start anticipating the upcoming treatment. Such was last night. Even though I had a great day yesterday. A friend treated me to her yard and garden, humming birds, finches, chickadees, kittens, a great dog named Tucker, and a fantastic meal and fellowship. Then I had the most amazing telephone conversation with a naturopath with incredible healing powers. She may end up being responsible for buying me more time. Goodness. Despite all, sleepless. Early morning and the ritual I perform the day before - clean the house to the best of my ability. I'm listening to some dandy music while I clean: Jakki Rogue's newest CD of Maritime Music - which she recorded and produced - all her own arrangements. It is wonderful! Mary Stewart of course. My friend Dale, who lost his Marina to cancer several months ago sent me Lynda Randle Live - a dandy gospel CD, which Dale tells me helped him get through some very difficult times. I can see why. She's rocking it. I would love to sing some of those songs. Her version of His Eye is on the Sparrow makes me cry. Martyn Joseph. I know, sounds like I have a big house - I don't. I just have to stop and dance every now and then, and catch my breath, have some juice, and warm lemon water and call my Jim. I'm getting emotional. Time to say adieu for a while. I'm going to walk out to Mac3 and the East River Wellness Centre. Mac3 is having their summer gathering this weekend - tidal bore rafting. Think I'll pass this year.

Peace to you all this day. If you get the chance to forgive someone today, do it. Don't forget to forgive yourself.

Emma Lee

Musings on this Morning's Trit Trots - Feeling Yes

I slept in today! Opened my eyes at 6:20 a.m.! Honey was singing from her kennel. We made quick work of our first trit trot, came back in, had breakfast and then out for our second, which I allowed to be a sniffing walk. What a gorgeous morning. It was so quiet when we were out, and now that the sun is rising later, the color of the sky and trees, houses and buildings, held the most incredible warmth. I let Honey sniff as much as she wanted: she's so close to the ground, she loves to sniff and apparently there are lots of calling cards around. While she sniffed, I allowed the sun to beat down on my hat/scarf/coat, which are now required. Albert Street was amazing. As we slowly made our way along I imagined the junior high in a few days from now, buzzing with excitement as the kids get ready to go back to school. It is now approaching 4 months since life changed.

Going down Forbes Street has become kind of comical really. There are two lovely cats who hang out at a little grey house, I think they live there. They have been ambushing Honey the past couple of weeks and I saw them take their positions this morning. I didn't warn the sniffer as she was lazily sniffing along, and she almost jumped out of her skin. It was hilarious. I must look like a mad woman laughing out loud at my dog's antics.

Just around the corner from the grey cat house there is a lovely cul-de-sac and the way the sun was shining on a particular yellow house just made me stop. I promised myself that I would be able to recall that scene, including the feeling of the heat on my back, for the rest of this day.

The way that street looked, drenched in the morning sun, reminded me of how a "yes" should feel. That's one of the exercises I have been working on. Seems I have had my yes and no reversed for a while. I'm buying into that. I have. Through discovery, I have learned how a yes, for every decision I have to make, should feel. When it feels like a celebration, a wonderful, affirming celebration it is a yes. Today, I challenge you to feel your yes, and your no. I pray your answers are clear.

I had a big yes moment yesterday, when Suzanne from Indiana called. She is a volunteer with the Metastatic Breast Cancer organization in America. I have found no such group in Canada, and certainly not in Atlantic Canada. I have applied for assistance to attend the MBC conference in October in Indianapolis. We had the most affirming conversation. I was formerly a breast cancer survivor. I am now living with cancer. Fingers and toes crossed. If it is meant to be, it shall be. There is the potential for a wealth of life-saving information there.

Have a wonderful day. Peace, Emma Lee

A Fun Escape this past Weekend

I was able to travel to Annapolis Royal this past weekend with Jim. A Nova Scotia Guild of Town Criers gathering was being hosted by Peter and Val Davies. They are an awesome couple! Anyway, it was fun but busy to prepare the house and Honey for the trip. I was really, really lucky to find Angela. She came and stayed with Honey while we were away. Angela stayed with Honey, even after a disagreement over a sock. And I know how Honey feels about socks. She's very determined when it comes to socks. Knowing Honey was safe was the only way I could have gone away for the weekend. I drove to Halifax, picked up Jim, and off to Annapolis Royal we went. It was about 5 hours of travelling by the time the dust settled. The first event was Friday night, which was a gathering at Nova Scotia's smallest pub, they say, Ye Olde Town Pub. I did fall off my diet, and enjoyed some fabulous whole fried clams, which I adore! The drive got the best of me early on and sleep was calling, so back to our motel - about 10 minutes out of town, which had the most incredible view out our back patio doors. It was lush and beautiful. I am thinking I would love to go back there when fireflies are busy. It would be incredible. I enjoyed two mornings there, with tea, a bit cold, but listening to the birds was lovely. Saturday was filled with activities for all of the criers and their escorts. I didn't dress as an escort, since I have no hair. I didn't feel it would be appropriate. But I did enjoy that lovely little town. The town was enjoying Paint the Town while we were there, and there were artists set up everywhere. What a great idea. The criers did an invitational cry at the farmer's market (which was unbelievable - lots of treasures to be found), and then we were invited to the historic Hillside House Inn for lunch. Oh my goodness. When we arrived, it was just past noon. The grounds are lovely, again leading down into the marsh, and ripe for exploring. As I trotted along, there was Tom Forrestall, who was working on his contribution to Paint the Town. With him was his grandson and his daughter. Waiting for the others to arrive, I found a rocking chair on the shaded side porch of the Hillside and relaxed. The sky was the most amazing blue. Nay a cloud. Criers gathered, war stories were exchanged, and the Town sent a representative counsellor to welcome us all. The Town hosted a lunch of grilled chicken and strawberry spinach salad, topped with pecans. Dessert was a wonderful fresh blueberry crepe. Yum! We had free time in the afternoon to explore and back to the lighthouse we went, where the Oyster Boys from Annapolis, Maryland were entertaining. Annapolis Royal and Annapolis Maryland share many things, such as musicians and criers! Squire Fred will up in October. I hope to see he and Denise then. We then went to the Legion where the artwork was on display. The evening saw us off to Peter and Val's for a wonderful time of fellowship, laughter and food: salmon, steak, chicken, salads and desserts. Peter and Val live right on the basin. The view is absolutely amazing, and you can literally watch some of the highest tides in the world come and go. We had a wonderful time. Up bright and early on Sunday, so that we could visit farmer's markets throughout the Valley, on the back roads leading home: the freshest of the fresh corn, peaches, swisschar. Guess what? Honey was happy to see us! (I was secretly happy to see her.) Angela did a great job, and unbelievable as it may seem, will come back anytime we need her! Yay!! Honey made a friend.

My camera has not worked since dragon boat weekend. I'll have to have it fixed, because I could have filled it with pictures from the weekend. The weather was great, as was the company and the historic and picturesque Town of Annapolis Royal.

Peace to you all,

Emma Lee

Healing Treasures

When I finished my last post, I was off to see Kathy Roy at Spirit Garden for a Life Energy Balancing Session. I am findng Kathy to be amazing and intuitive. I have been doing a lot of reading and wanted to share many questions with her. Luckily for me, she had lots of answers and information. (I have mentioned the many helpful books that have been recommended and dropped off to me. If I started reading now, it would be months before I could finish them all! I'm enjoying this opportunity so much. You know when you are working full time and filling your off time with volunteering activities, the time to read is really hard to find.) Anyway, it turns out that the Life Energy Balancing that Kathy practices does refer in many ways to the Chakra Clearing (awakening your spiritual power to know and heal)that I have been practising. My friend Katie MacDonald has loaned me a spare massage table and I have it set up in my upstairs backroom, along with a CD player and it is amazing to go up there and listen to these incredible meditative, healing CDs. Yesterday was once such experience. My cat Boobadee jumped up next to my head, purring, she groomed and settled down for the 15 minute meditation time. It was purrfect for both her and me! Another practice that Kathy is familiar with is QiGong Healing - she is close to completing another level of that practice. I am so lucky that she will be able to show me the exercises I have been trying to do from reading the book and looking at the pictures. Fleur gave me the book BALANCE by Susan Manion MacDonald, which details Susan's journey to recapture her health after a stage 4 diagnosis with lympathic cancer. Susan's course was a complete detoxificaion and nutritional support program. This was also confirmed when my musical friend Murray got me in touch with his cousin who did a similar program and guess what, he's still around. So, I had questions on all of those things, and Kathy helped me develop a diet to support a healthy pH Balance, including spirulina. A juicer purchased years ago as a present, which has been gathering dust, has been revived and is making the most delicious apple/carrot/ginger juice you can imagine. Every other night, my liver is being treated to a castor oil pack for 15 minutes, using cold pressed and hexane free castor oil on plain white flannel, and a hot water bottle. Another exercise Kathy has given me allows me to acknowledge any fear/resentment that pops into my musings using "Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono)". Wikipedia describes it as an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. Traditionally hoʻoponopono is practiced by healing priests or kahuna lapaʻau among family members of a person who is physically ill. Jakki, early on in this journey, gave me a book/CD called healing cancer from the inside out. I've got the courage now to really get into that book. I'm listening to my heart, and letting it lead me where it wants. I'm learning not to push, which is difficult for a gal like me. My last session with Kathy was pretty powerful, when my heart told me, as it was pulsing through and around my liver, that "it knows what to do". Tears.

I know that I could be calling Dr. MacLean and bothering him about my CT scan results. I've decided not to. I'm going for my treatment on Friday and if they need me to know anything, they will call, believe me. Meredith (dragon boat captain, lab technician at the Hospital) will come here at 8:40 to collect my blood. There shouldn't be any problems. I finished all the antibiotics I had to take for the UTI that occurred 10 days ago and it's gone. I'm tired, but that's t be expected. Lynn is driving me out and picking me up. I'll have a fictional book with me to pass the time - but it's always quite entertaining there. You wouldn't believe that in the midst of full chemo chairs and rooms, the nurses keep it light, funny, yet incredibly professional. They are angels. So are the volunteers who keep me hydrated with water. So, onwards and upwards. My third eye is seeing my future - dancing, smiling and laughing with a grandchild.

Be kind to yourselves and appreciate all that you have.

Peace, Emma Lee

A Busy Morning, not just for Me!

Okay. So, my CT scan was moved to today. I was able to get the Telebrex yesterday. As directed, I took it at 7:30 a.m. I arrived at the Hospital at the assigned 9:15 a.m. and checked in with Xray. I took my seat in the waiting area. A young technician I had never seen before came out and called my name and in I went. I told him about my "power port". That's when the fun began. After making a couple of calls, I was instructed to head up to the medical day unit (oncology), so that they could "put the line in" for me. Off I went. Unbelievably, they were not busy. The gals tried 3 times to "put the line in", but could not get any blood return. Blood return means its into the vein, and into my system. I have had blood return both times it has been used for chemo. So, in order to be sure it was in, I was sent back to CT where they would have to run some dye in order to see whether it was in. Back to the ground floor, where CT referred me to xray. I waited in xray. Then a lovely gal called my name! Call my name, call my name, while others who had been sitting there when I arrived, glared at me. In I went, and Dr. Hoffman actally stayed in the room and did the procedure to make sure that the line was in. He told me it did give him some resistance. Then back to CT, through a secret short cut I had never seen before. Right in, change, come back out, door to the main area open - prepare to see Frankestein - well Mrs. Frankin anyway - no hair, one boob, I think you get the picture - hide in corner, quick. Into the room, get me settled, figure out the right connection for the line, put me into the machine, then remember I hadn't signed the consent form, back out, signing the form with my hands over my head, back in. Rush of warmth, scan the chest and abdomen. Back out, flip around, scan the head. You're done with CT! Back to medical day on the 4th floor to have the line taken out. Every chair in the chemo clinic is full and there are people waiting to get in. Okay - alright - waiting room here I come. Luckily I have "Edgar Sawtelle" with me and other than being hungry and tired, I can amuse myself til those angels in medical day can see me, hear my story about the port, and take out the line. The gals told me it is not unusual for a port to behave this way. It is better I had it done today. If it would have happened before my next chemo treatment, I would have had to wait, as they can't combine the dye and the chemo. The gals in chemo told me that I could call Dr. MacLean for a verbal on the CT scan. I'll put that in my back pocket and try calling on Monday. I am having my next chemo treatment.

I treated myself to a prepared salad from McDonald's on the way home and was greeted by the best little girl, waiting to have a trit and a trot and a pee. I'm off to see Kathy Roy at Spirit Garden now. Life Energy Balancing.

Peace to you all,

Emma Lee